**Warning-- this MIGHT turn into a rambling RANT... and it very well might be a 2-parter... I'm sure, after further reflection, I will have MUCH more to say on this sore topic.**
Tonight I had actually planned on another topic, but Beyonce spoke to me on the way home, and I changed my plans.
So yeah... being CHRONICALLY single can be tricky on the best of days... but holidays are absolute HELL! Person after person asking the same f-ing questions: "So, are you seeing anyone now?".... "Whatever happened to (insert name of someone you dated 5 years ago)? He was nice..." "Are you ever going to get married/ have kids?" The best is, of course, my dad informing me that, "You don't have to be married to have a baby." I thought my brother would die.
And it's not just ONE holiday! As my friend Leigh calls it-- it's the TRIFECTA! Christmas... followed QUICKLY by New Year's (which is possibly the WORST)... and just when you think you are recovered-- BAM! Valentine's Day!
Christmas is more about family... but the happy couples are still all around-- esp @ parties. Going to parties solo can REALLY blow... OR you can do like some I know, and just get drunk and make out with everyone and anyone... New Year's... yeah, you can party like a rockstar with your friends... dance the night away... watch the damn ball drop... but at midnight, just like an unexpected slap in the face: THE KISS... As a singleton you do one of a few things-- hang around awkwardly, and then one arm hug your couple-friends... try desperately to avoid the other CREEPY single people that flock to you... overdose.... or, do what I do-- turn up the bottle of champagne and drink your cares away. Valentines the last few years my single friends and I have had an FVD party... VD= Valentines Day... you figure out the F. We cook food with lots of garlic and onions... and cuss any of you happily in love people. It's nothing personal. Really.
Take a moment, while I cool down, to enjoy the Queen of Singletons... for the record, my cousin-in-law Thom said I could sue over this scene:
Now, perhaps you smug marrieds don't remember the pain of the singletons... or maybe you were one of those people that HAD to ALWAYS be dating someone in order to feel successful in life... (Oh snap! I just got hateful!) Well, just in case-- here is another Bridget Jones clip-- the perfect example of the misery we go through-- especially @ the holidays:
So here's some advice for all of you smug marrieds... and even those of you happily nauseating couples-- BACK OFF THE SINGLE PEOPLE! Don't ask about their love life-- TRUST ME-- if there is something happening-- they will tell you! And remember, not everyone WANTS to be married... or have kids... or be tied down in any way....
Oh yeah, one more thing-- Mistletoe, What the HELL?!